Insult Land

We all know the routine. Usagi bumps into Mamoru (literally). Mamoru makes some kind of smartass remark. Usagi says, "e;Grrr I hate you baka Mamoru-san!" Then, whoever Usagi's with at the time says something like, "You know him? He's HOT!" Usagi replies, "e;Are you crazy, he's a huge jerk!"e; and storms away. But when? Where? That's where I'm here to help you, my friends. To cram useless crap into your heads, like all of the first season shaky encounters Usagi and Mamoru have. Yes, every one of them. So, without further ado....

These quotes were gathered by me from the Sailormoon Season 1 DVD set. DVD screen captures were captured using PowerDVD. English episode titles are from the box set. Japanese titles are from the all-knowing, forever wise Hitoshi Doi. Enjoy!

Episode 1

Episode #1: Nakimushi Usagi no karei naru henshin
The Crybaby Usagi's Magnificent Transformation
Thirty Percent?

[Usagi walks out of Naru's mother's jewelry store, upset at her poor test grade.]

Usagi: I should have studied harder...[Crumples paper] Oh...DIE! [Tosses the paper behind her.]

Mamoru: [Hits him on the head] Hey, that hurts, odango atama.

Usagi: What? Oh, I'm sorry.

Mamoru: [Uncrumples the paper and looks at it] Thirty Percent? Study harder, odango atama.

Usagi: It's none of your business! [Snatches the paper away and sticks her tongue out]

Episode 2

Episode #2: Oshiokiyo! Uranai house ha youma no yakata
Punish Them! The House of Fortune is the Monster Mansion
We know who's uglyass jacket *that* is....

[Usagi looks for the old man fortune teller in the alleyway to tell her fortune about Motoki, but she arrives too late. She sees the House of Fortune across the street.]

Usagi: I should probably wait and ask the old man from Juubangai...but I want to know right now.

Luna: Usagi, what are you doing?

Usagi: Nevermind, nevermind. Oh! I know. I'll tell my own fortune on which one I should go to. [Takes off her shoe] If it's right-side up, I'll ask the old man. If it's upside-down, I'll go to House of Fortune. [Toss]

Mamoru: Ouch!

Usagi: Oops! [Sees Mamoru with her shoe] It's that smug guy again!

Mamoru: That hurt, odango atama.

Usagi: Is that all you can say?!

Mamoru: You'll never have a boyfriend if you don't act more ladylike!

Episode 3

Episode #3: Nazono nemuribyou, mamore otomeno koisuru kokoro
The Mysterious Sleeping Illness! Protect the Girls' Hearts in Love
We know who's uglyass jacket *that* is....

Usagi: [Smashes into something and falls] Ouch!! [Gets up and bows repeatedly, eyes closed] I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention!

Naru: Usagi...

Usagi: [Looks up and realizes she's been apologizing to the telephone pole, not the person she ran into]

Mamoru: [Laughs] That's good, apologizing to the telephone pole. But it might be a problem if the warm weather is affecting your head. [Walks away while Usagi looks mad]

Naru: Hey, you know that guy? He's gorgeous!

Usagi: He is NOT! He ticks me off!

Episode 4

Episode #4: Usagi ga oshiemasu! Slim ni naruhou
Usagi Will Teach You How To Lose Weight!
Take THAT!

[Usagi hadn't eaten since the day before. Motoki told her she shouldn't starve herself; that girls who were a little chubby were much more attractive than girls who were too skinny. Usagi became really happy and splurged.]

Usagi: Mmm...definitely dumplings. Yeah, it's normal to be a bit chubby when you're young.

Mamoru: You eat a lot. Eating your friends, I see. Odango atama eatings odangos.

Usagi: Leave me alone! It's none of your business.

Mamoru: If you eat so much, you'll really turn into a dumpling.

Usagi: Shutup! [Throws one at him]

Mamoru: [Catch] Phew, nice catch. Thanks for the dumpling. Hey, at least you won't get too fat now that you ate one less.

Usagi: God, what a jerk!

Episode 5

Episode #5: Youma no kaori! Shaneera ha aiwo nusumu
A Monster's Scent! Chanelas Steal Love

[Usagi is getting ready to go into the pet store that sold Shingo the mysterious Chanela; an animal that sucks the energy from its owners and smells like perfume.]

Mamoru: Yo, Odango atama.

Usagi: That voice...ugh, why do you keep showing up?

Mamoru: I can say the same thing to you. You're not buying a chanela, are you?

Usagi: Why?

Mamoru: Perfume doesn't suit you.

Usagi: Ahhh! Shut up!

Episode 7

Episode #7: Usagi hansei! Star no michiha kibishii
Usagi Learns A Lesson! The Road To Stardom Is Tough

Usagi: [Crying and running from Luna] Luna just doesn't understand a young girl's dream!

Mamoru: [Smiles] Hi!

Usagi: [Gasps and ducks into an alleyway] I just had to bump into the guy I didn't want to see.

Mamoru: I can see you, odango atama. Don't tell me you're going to that Cinderella Caravan. Well...I guess odango atama would have to compete with a comedy routine...

Usagi: Are you kidding? Of course I'm not going! Get out of my way, I'm going home! Damn, he's such a busybody.

[Mamoru watches her walk away, smiling]

Episode 8

Episode #8: Tensai shoujoha youma nano? Kyoufuno sennoujuku
Is The Genius Girl A Monster? Brainwashing School of Terror
Cats can't talk! You're so silly.

Mamoru: Are you finally in the mood to study, Odango atama?

Usagi: You again! Why do you always show up at the weirdest times?

Mamoru: [Shrugs] That's not my problem. By the way, wasn't that cat just talking?

Usagi: [She and Luna freak out] Uh. are you kidding?! Cats can't talk! You're so silly. [Takes off like a bat out of hell]

Episode 11

Episode #11: Usagi to Rei taiketsu? Yume Land no Akumu
Usagi vs. Rei? Nightmare In Dreamland

[Usagi & Rei are "patrolling" on the Panda Train in Dreamland. The Train comes to a sudden halt and...SMACK, Usagi smashes into the person in front of her]

Mamoru: Hey.

Usagi: You again?!

Mamoru: Wait a minute! You rammed into me with your rock-hard head! That's no way to treat me, odango atama!

Rei: Odango atama, is it? I can so see that!

Mamoru: They also kind of look like hot spring buns.

Rei: You're right!!

Mamoru: See?

Usagi: That's enough, both of you! Anyway, what's a guy doing on a toy train all by himself? Could it be you're actually a really big loser?! You make me laugh! [Mockingly] Ha ha ha!! It's so funny my tummy hurts.

Mamoru: I've got my reasons for being here! [Train starts again and Usagi sits again] Damn, she just had to touch a sore spot.

Episode 13

Episode #13: Onnanokoha danketsuyo! Jedite no saigo
Girl Power! The End of Jedite

[Usagi skips happily down the street after Motoki paid Usagi a compliment about her personality.]

Usagi: He paid me a compliment!! [Skips, shoe flies off, and...]

Mamoru: Ouch!

Usagi: Oh, I'm sorry! I - - [They see each other]

Both: You again?!

Mamoru: You hit me with your shoe again! Did you aim for me on purpose?

Usagi: It's your fault for not paying attention to where you're walking.

An awkward moment

Mamoru: Oh yeah? You are so not cute. Can't you talk more properly, like a normal girl?

Usagi: [Sticks out tongue] No, I can't! Because someone told me that he likes me better because I don't act normal!

Mamoru: That's stupid! Guys like that are losers.

Usagi: He's much more charming than you are!!

Mamoru: Birds of a feather flock together. Every Jack has his Jill. Dust goes in a dust bin. A loser for Odango atama?

Usagi: You're so mean...I can't do anything about you calling me names, but how could you say bad things about Motoki?! [Starts wailing]

Mamoru: [Slightly confused] Hey, don't... - -

Someone on Street: How dare he make a girl cry!!

Mamoru: I'm sorry! [Looks around nervously] I have some urgent business to take care of...Here, you can have your shoe back! Well...bye!! [Books it]

Episode 15

Episode #15: Usagi aseru! Rei-chan hatsu date
Usagi Panics! Rei's First Date

[Mamoru rescues Luna from almost being hit by a bus]

Mamoru: Are you okay? You don't look hurt.

Usagi: What are you doing to my Luna?!

Mamoru: If she's your cat, keep a better eye on her! She almost got run over!

Usagi: None of your business! Luna isn't your ordinary, everyday cat!!

Episode 17

Episode #17: Model ha Usagi? Youma camera no nessha
Usagi is a Model? Focus of the Demon Camera

Motoki: The important thing is to challenge yourself!

Usagi: You're the only one who supports me, Motoki.

Mamoru: Motoki's right. Well, you'll probably fail anyway. But, no matter the outcome, the important thing is to participate.

Usagi: I didn't ask for your opinion.

Mamoru: Both men and women have got the wrong idea lately. They assume they've become beautiful, if they pretty themselves up. A girl's beauty isn't limited to her looks.

Usagi: Then what else counts??

Mamoru: It's what's inside! A kind heart, and the guts to carry out what she thinks is right! (Could he really be referring to Sailormoon?)

Usagi: Guts? For a girl?

I guess we just don't get along...

Mamoru: That's right! don't have either, though.

Usagi: Why, of course I don't!

Mamoru: Besides, this guy just wants to photograph young girls, no matter who they are. If that's his approach to photography, this Kijin Shinokawa must be a second - no, third-rate photographer.

Usagi: That's enough! I don't even want to see your face anymore! [Leaves]

Motoki: She's a young lady. You shouldn't treat her like a little kid.

Mamoru: [Watching after her] I know that, but we always end up fighting everytime we talk. I guess we just don't get along....

Episode 19

Episode #19: Usagi kangeki! Tuxedo Kamen no love letter
Usagi is Overjoyed! Tuxedo Kamen's Love Letter
You know I was just thinking, should I grow a mullet?

Motoki: Hey, Usagi-chan!

Usagi: [Sigh]

Motoki: What's wrong? You look upset.

Usagi: [Sigh]

Mamoru: Oh, I know. Lots of girls got a love letter from that guy Tuxedo Kamen, but you didn't! That's why you're upset, right?

Usagi: You're wrong! I did get one!!

Motoki: Then why are you sighing so much?

Usagi: It's terrible...How could Tuxedo Kamen send love letters to those other girls?! [Starts Bawling]

Episode 23

Episode #23: Nagareboshini negaiwo! Naru-chan no junai
Wish Upon A Shooting Star, Naru's True Love
Eee, this aura....

Usagi: Motoki, your Usagi is right here!! [Trying to get his attention. Suddenly someone appears behind Usagi, towering over her] This aura....

Mamoru: Yo, Odango Atama. Hey, Motoki, if you keep ignoring her, your dumpling will turn into a puff pastry.

Usagi: He's just kidding! I'm not a puff pastry at all!

Motoki: Oh, Usagi! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here. I'm almost done my shift. Usagi-chan, you wanna go out for a cup of tea or something?

Usagi: Yes, of course!! I want to ask you some advice, too.

Mamoru: Oh, I'll tag along. I've got nothing better to do anyway.

Usagi: What?!?!

Motoki: That's a good idea.

Usagi: [Sparkles] -- Yes, I agree!!

Episode 28

Episode #28: Koino irasuto, Usagi to Mamoru ga sekkin?
An Illustration of Love! Are Usagi and Mamoru getting Closer?
Woo, check out that ass.

Mamoru: It looks pretty good, considering the model.

Usagi: You're so twisted.




Episode 29

Episode #29: Daikonsen! Gucha gucha koi no shikaku kankei
Total Chaos! The Messy Square Relationship

Usagi: OK! Let's go in order of height here.

Mako: What is this, PE class?!


Mamoru: [Sort of appears out of nowhere...or from the ground, one of the two] Yo! Odango Atamaaaaa...

Usagi: Here comes another useless guy.

Mamoru: The Odango Atama and the big one are here together. I get it. Is it confession time?

Both: Uh-oh! [A little bullseye appears in front of Usagi's hand]

Mamoru: Here's some friendly advice. Just forget about Motoki.

Usagi: What's with you?! This is none of your business!

Mako: You're such a jerk!

Mamoru: I'm just saying, you're both like troublesome kid sisters to him. Nothing more, nothing less.

Mako: Kid sisters?

Usagi: You're lying.

Mamoru: It's not a lie. If you don't believe me, why don't you just ask him yourself, Odango?

Usagi: Don't worry, I'll ask him about it anyway! And I'm not Odango Atama! My name is Tsukino Usagi! Honestly! How many times do I have to tell you?!

Mamoru: Yes Ma'am; Odango Atama.

Episode 34

Episode #34: Hikari kagayaku ginzuishou! Tsukino princess toujou
The Sparking Silver Crystal! The Moon Princess Appears

Usagi: [Sees Mamoru walking down the street] Huh? That's...[Runs up to him] What are you so depressed about?! [Slaps him on the shoulder, Mamoru makes a face]

Mamoru: Oh, Odango Atama. Perky as usual, I see.

Usagi: Well, sorry! I can't help it if I'm perky 24/7, 365 days a year! Nyyaahhh!!

Mamoru: [Smiles] Keep it up and never change, okay? [Turns and walks away]

Usagi: Huh? What the heck? I don't know how to react now!! [Looks down at her hand] What? It's blood...Could he be...injured or something?

Episode 34

Episode #34: Hikari kagayaku ginzuishou! Tsukino princess toujou
The Sparking Silver Crystal! The Moon Princess Appears
But now, I'll move you up to second place.

Usagi: I thought you were the most obnoxious guy in the world. [Slightly blushes] But now, I'll move you up to second place.

Mamoru: [Chuckles] Thanks.

Usa-ko; the Tsukino Usagi/Sailormoon Fanlisting La Smoking Bomber; the Chiba Mamoru/Tuxedo Kamen Fanlisting Forever I Promise; the Usagi & Mamoru Fanlisting